Thursday, May 26, 2016

It never ends...

Let's talk about the good stuff first.

We are all moved into our new home. The boxes are all unpacked. I can get my car back in the garage. We have taken tonnes of stuff to charity and the tip. I feel lighter, because we have less stuff.

I love my new house. It isn't big or grand. It's a 3 bedroom villa. We have one living room, one dining, a small-ish but very functional kitchen, a small but functional laundry. It has a big main bathroom and an ensuite. That's it. Oh and don't forget a lovely, neat garden with back deck with a view over the lake. With BBQ and spa. These are just some snaps of our view and our deck - I mean, how good is it????

And our "lake" - it's actually a large water quality detention pond - a big dam that filters out the bad crap from urban development before it goes into the Murrumbidgee River. But it's lovely - full of habitat, birdlife, and probably lots of other things. It is about 2.2km walk around it and we walk regularly (not quite every day, but a few times a week). There is also a lovely dog off-leash area literally 5 minutes walk from our house that we intend to put to good use.

We are loving it and you may have to drag me out in a large wooden box before I move again (famous last words, I know, but I am VERY reluctant to move again for about 30 years).

However...on the homefront, am I the only one that knows where the outside bins are? Am I the only one who's figured out how to plug in the ducted vacuum? The only one who can work the washing machine? Who can actually cook (rather than reheat) a meal? I know I'm the only one who can write a bloody essay - I know that much to be true!

I'd love to be writing that both kids are loving school, doing well (brilliantly even), trot off happily every day, are well-adjusted, do their homework and assignments with great self-management skills and life is just rosy. Alas. I do not have those imaginary children.

I have kids who are gifted. But both also have inattentive ADHD/executive functioning disorders. Both are suffering from anxiety and probably some level of depression. One has some OCD issues including trichotillomania. One is really struggling managing in class. Both are really struggling with time management and self-discipline. I think both have sensory issues, which I think are related to the giftedness and the anxiety.

We are seeing more specialists and counsellors. We have been to appointments with the schools (yes, plural). I am filling in more forms, because the forms we filled in last year are no longer valid. My calendar is a matrix of work appointments and events interspersed with school meetings, doctor and specialist appointments. My spare time is filled with nagging reminders to get on task, stay on task - both school and home related.

It. Never. Ends.

My support is still required - probably WAY MORE than when we weren't taxing executive functioning to the extreme by homeschooling and I was fully responsible for their education. In many ways that was shitloads easier. Now we have to get to school on time, do work in class, do assessments and exams. I'm glad we homeschooled - it managed our learning environments to focus on the learning, not all the other crap. We may yet still have to modify things. Some days just feel so difficult - I'm really having to look after myself so I can look after everyone else too. I'm walking a tightwalk rope of supporting known issues and helicopter parenting.

I write about this stuff because I want other people going through the same thing feel like they aren't the only people going through this (please tell me other people are going through this!). I want other people to know that things aren't easy, for me or for the kids. I want also to have a record of our journey - albeit a very public one, but it helps me process where we are at and how are managing (or not managing).

I often think "can someone make it stop, please?" and if you offered me a month on a tropical island resort by myself I think I would kiss you. But the issues are still there. The domestic duties are still there. Paid work is relentlessly pushy on my time too. So all I can do is set some boundaries. Say no to stuff that's really not important. Go easy on myself. Let the small stuff slide and ignore Mount Washmore occasionally. Because it never ends and I'm in this for the long haul.


Friday, May 06, 2016

Mother's Day Wishes...

Hey - guess what! It's Mother's Day on Sunday! Woot....

Two years ago, I got a good Mother's Day present - I had been living by myself in Canberra for about 6 weeks, mostly in motels and finally all my family were together again. No presents (or even a card) were given) and I guess that didn't matter. Because we were moving and it gets hard to get organised...especially if the three people doing the organising are hopeless at being organised!

I think I got pjs last year...because I love pjs! I know this, because when we moved two weeks ago, I had an ordinate amount of pjs for one woman. So, I think, go easy on the pjs this year.

Did I tell you we've moved? Into our shiny, new, OURS, villa/townhouse thingy.

You can bet I will be posting more pics from here!

The owners left the bookcases (and the damn encyclopedias!)

A bit of a downsize, but that is good, because it causes one to assess just how many pairs of pjs ones needs in their lives...and other clothes. And unused gym equipment. And all the unused stuff. So. Much. Stuff. And I'm never, never, moving again. Cyber slap me if I say I am, please!

So given I'm on a bit of an "anti-stuff" crusade (no more pjs! no more encyclopedias!), what does one get for a mother, so that said mother is still happy and appreciated?

  • Lunch/dinner out - I would love not to cook. And I love to eat nice food. Guess what does that? That's right, restaurants! Go and book one, stat. And no, you cooking at home is not the same thing, because I end up being asked how to do shit. This is not what I want to be doing on mother's day. I do enough of that shit the rest of the year.
  • A holiday - ok, on the extravagant end of the scale, but bloody hell, I would love to just be on a cruise ship or a resort with a restaurant, pool, cocktails and someone else to clean. For about 10 weeks, I think...
  • A cleaner - we stumped up and paid for a cleaner to clean the old house that we moved out of. Hubby was surprised it took 4 people 5 hours...yes, dear. It DOES take that much work! A regular cleaner around here would be bliss.
  • Wine - OK, technically, it is "stuff" but it's consumable stuff.
So the move has been full-on. And we have a garage worth of "stuff" to get rid of. Kids have been giving me grey hairs with mental health issues and we are working through them and finding new ways of school, but this all takes time and appointments and effort and...I'm tired. So what I would really love this Mother's Day is for all that stuff to magically disappear. Given that's not going to happen, I would love a bit of an escape - any of the dot points above work for me!

Darling offspring!

Happy Mother's Day!
What was the worst present you've ever gotten?
Have you ever gotten NOTHING?
What's the best present you've ever gotten?
Ever feel the urge just to run away?

52 Ancestors - Unusual Name

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